How to Avoid Breadcrumbing | Dating's Latest Toxic Trend

With the advent of technology and online dating comes various toxic dating trends. This swipe-right-and-left habit in the dating scene has caused many broken hearts. And the methods of rejection are eerily similar that people have even come up with names for them. If you’re not familiar with all of the terms, then be familiar with one of them—breadcrumbing, which is worse than ghosting given its sadistic nature.

Generally speaking, breadcrumbing is when someone sends you mixed signals online. One indicator is that the person blows hot and cold. For a time, she keeps sending you messages, and then all of a sudden she ghosts you, only to start getting in touch again for no rhyme or reason. This toxic dating trend was partially named after the fairy tale Hansel and Gretel (hence the alternate name of Hansel and Gretelling).

If you remember the story, the kids left a trail of breadcrumbs to help them find their way home. But because the crumbs were eaten by birds, they got lost and wound up at the witch’s house instead, where she tried to fatten them up and eat them.

The point is the breadcrumbs aren’t useful at all and would only lead you nowhere. Unlike the siblings, you might not even realize that her responses were actually the purported breadcrumbs. To know how to deal with breadcrumbing, you need to know how to spot the signs first:

Inconsistent messages

There’s a difference between someone who’s just bad in showing interest and someone who’s into you to boost her own ego. Has she been replying slower and slower these days? Or does she lose touch and suddenly reconnect out of the blue?

Unlike ghosting, the breadcrumber will make her presence known right around the time you’re about to move on from her. All of a sudden, she’d send flirtatious but non committal messages just so you wouldn’t forget her.

She texts you only on her terms, and if you eagerly respond despite not hearing from her after so long, you’re only feeding her ego knowing that you’re there when she needs you for that. This emotional manipulation will eventually take a toll on your self-esteem.

Her messages are meaningless and vague

When she feels you’re drifting away, she reaches out again even on social media platforms and sends you messages that seemingly have substance. But the truth is, it’s another way of asking “What’s up?" And after you’ve reconnected, she may say that you should hang out sometime. Sadly, she never really makes a concrete plan for when you should meet. She won’t make any real efforts in getting to know you better.

It may seem like you have deep conversations now and then in the online dating phase, but if you reexamine your correspondence, you’d realize your interactions are just shallow and generic. And when you talk about hanging out, she avoids confirming any plans (or if she has, she conveniently has an excuse not to go through with it).

In short, she has a way of making you hope for something more but without really committing herself to anything.

Throws breadcrumbs anywhere

She might not reply when you chat or text, but she will randomly like your social media posts. This just goes to show that breadcrumbing is to lure a sexual partner by giving him false hope only to frequently disappear and reappear, which always leaves the other party confused.

When you do receive a message from her, your heart may skip a beat, but apart from that, there’s nothing special. If anything, you’d even be worried if you’ll ever hear from her again.

Her expending much effort to get in touch one day and then leaving you hanging the next is a telling sign that she’s breadcrumbing. Even more obvious is she cannot even make up her mind to meet you let alone put a label on your supposed relationship.

When you try to determine what you are to each other, she uses the excuse of not wanting to ruin a good thing. Though that’s perfectly acceptable when you’re not looking for anything serious, that’s not going to fly if you’re hoping for something serious. This means she’s not going to commit to you any farther than friendship.

How to Deal with Breadcrumbing

The first time someone does this, you might feel like something is wrong with you. But the problem lies with the person doing the breadcrumbing. A lot of the time, people who do this aren’t looking for anything exclusive. If you don’t want to be tied down yet, then this dating practice probably wouldn’t hurt you as much.

But if you’re actually hoping for a more serious commitment from her, then confronting a breadcrumber is your best option.

Ask her out on a date

If you haven’t done this yet, this is one way to see if she’s as committed as you are. The best thing you can do is suggest a specific time and place for a date, like a simple coffee date on a Sunday afternoon. If she doesn’t accept your invitation, then all she wanted from you was an ego boost.

These types of people usually prefer to keep conducting the relationship online.

Change how you reply

The most effective way on how to respond to breadcrumbing text is to not follow her lead. If she only texts you at night, then reply in the morning. Find out whether your relationship can get any farther than just a mere late night hookup. This way, you’ll know if she’s willing to go farther or not.

If she cancels, let her know it’s not okay

If she makes plans with you but cancels them at the last minute with any lame excuses (and not just once but plenty of times), let her know you’re not just going to let it slide. Observe how she responds. If she makes it up the next time, you can give her the benefit of the doubt. But if she still flakes after a last attempt to meet, better move on to someone else.

Tell her about your situation

Ask her directly why she behaves the way she does. Who knows? It may even lead to you being open about her breadcrumbing behavior. Or she might not even have noticed that she does this. If she owns up to her behavior and tries to make up for it, there’s still a chance for you two.

Say goodbye and move on

Some people are simply not meant for you. As long as the world still spins around, you can always find another girl who will not give you mixed signals and leave you frustrated with the relationship.

Breadcrumbing is a trashy behavior which you shouldn’t even think of doing yourself nor being done to you. Even when your online date does this to you, the best thing you can do is not do it to other girls, too. Let this dating trend stop with you.